Lines in the sand.

Dear "the Other",

I'm not supposed to like you, I'm told. 

I'm told that you and I, we aren't supposed to interact. 

They say you're different, what you believe and the way you do things. 

They say you're naive, ignorant of the way things really work. 

They say you're a coward, too weak to do the right thing. 

They say you're arrogant, refusing to see the other side.

They say you're dangerous, and that the carelessness of your hands leads to evil. 

They tell me we shouldn't be friends. 

They tell me we can't be friends, that your kind and my kind - we don't get along.
They tell me we'll never see eye to eye.

They tell me people like you don't play well with people like me.

They tell me people like me can't trust people like you.

But from the first moment we met, you've seemed nice. 

In fact...

You're clever and talented, in your own unique way.

You're intelligent and creative, brimming with ideas.

You love and pursue beauty, even if you define 'beauty' differently than I do sometimes.

You're passionate, perhaps about different things, but just as mine, your passion makes you come alive.

You want to save the world, just as I do, even if we don't always agree on what that looks like.

You're human, just like me.

You were born one day, and you will die one day, just like me. 

You breathe oxygen, you need sleep, you eat food, just like me.

You feel pain, pleasure; you have feelings, dreams, goals, and fears, just like me.

The more I see that heart of yours, the more I see that you're just trying to live this life the best way you know how.

It would seem we're all on our path, and I see that your path has brought you to different places than mine has.

But the more I look around this ocean of existence, the more I see people who don't have all the answers, just like me, people who are all just trying to live this life the best way they know how, just like me.

To be honest, you don't seem all that bad.

In fact, I really like who you are.

Other people, from the different sides we come; they seem keen on yelling at each other.

They tell me that's what I should be doing, that I should be yelling at you.

They tell you that you should be yelling at me.

Our alleged sides demand we take up arms against each other.

But don't they see that all this yelling can be hurtful to people?

I look at them yelling, taking sides against the other, and before you know it, we're left with violent hearts and violent hands.

I think, by drawing lines in the sand, we're hurting each other. Or we're at least failing to value and respect each other, which ultimately causes damage as well. 

I don't see the point.

If all we do is yell at each other, how will we ever listen to one another?

I know, I know. They tell me it's dangerous to listen to the "other".

But listening doesn't have to mean we change our opinions, beliefs, perspectives, or stances, does it?

All listening means is that we're listening.
All listening means is that we're giving someone else room to exist.

Aristotle said "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

Maybe by learning how to interact we could grow a little bit.

I'd like to listen, and see the world through your eyes, if only for a moment.

It doesn't have to change me.

They keep drawing lines in the sand, but can't they see their lines are only serving to box them in?

It seems to me we could be missing out on relationships, interactions that could really serve to nurture us, inspire us, challenge us, and make us better versions of ourselves.

After all, why must where I stand require someone to stand against? 

I don’t think it does.

In the eternal words of Dispatch’s 'The General', “I have seen the others, and I have discovered that this fight is not worth fighting.”

I once heard about a guy named Jesus.

He spent a lot of time with people that “they” told him he shouldn’t.

The standards ‘they’ set down didn’t seem to work for him.

Instead, he walked with people, he spent time with the ‘other’.

He went into their homes,

held their hands,

met their families,

came to their work,

had dinner with them,

cried with them,

laughed with them,

talked with them,

went to parties with them,

sailed with them,

endured pain and suffering with them,
listened to them, 

etc.

Instead of drawing lines in the sand, he walked with people.

I like this concept.

I look at you, and I like who you are.

I wonder if, given the opportunity, we could learn a thing or two from each other.

It’s impossible, they say.

But perhaps they’re wrong.

Maybe it’s not impossible. Maybe it’s just harder than easy, sometimes.

I’m sure it’s not always easy to walk with someone so potentially different.

Maybe some days it will take added patience and creativity, as we figure out what interaction looks like with the ‘other.’

It would definitely be easier to only interact with people that looked just like me, talked just like me, thought just like me, believed just like me, had a similar story to me.

But I’d rather not restrict myself to only looking in a mirror all day, for the rest of my life.

I’d rather grow, listen, see you, and value you as a person, despite our differences.

I don’t think it has to change me, what I think, what I believe, where I stand.

I think it’s a worthwhile endeavor.

They tell me I should hate you,

mock you,

shun you,

stay away from you…

But I’d rather call you ‘friend.’

I don’t want to draw lines in the sand.

I’d rather let these ocean waves sweep over the lines we’ve been told to draw.

I’d rather walk with you.

I like who you are.

I wouldn’t have seen that, and how much we could laugh together, cry together, grow together, learn together, or play together, had either of us decided the lines were more important than the person.

Perhaps instead of drawing lines, we could build sand castles, for “if he can build sand castles, he can build community.”

Just think of the friendship and blessing I’d be missing out on if I’d listened to them.

Instead, I’m off.

You and I have a sand castle to build.  

Love,  

Your Enemy Friend 

“Once you label me, you negate me.” –Kierkegaard

“I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.”

“There’s nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility is being superior to your former self.” –Ernest Hemingway

The most important phrase to learn...

When visiting someone's home, Emily Post/Mrs. Manners would teach that you are a guest in their home, and therefore it is important not to get too comfortable. It would be respectful for you to try to operate by their rhythms, their schedule, etc.

When traveling, the same rule applies. You are not in your own country, you are in someone else's. Therefore, it is wise, polite, and extraordinarily helpful to learn a bit of the local rhythms, specifically, the language.

However, this can prove challenging when you're traveling through countries at rapid fire pace, sometimes one country in one day and night, then on to the next country with their language that hardly resembles the language their neighbors speak. Being a lifetime citizen of the United States of "We only speak one language and not always well", I will admit my lack of fluent languages under my belt, although this is something I intend to remedy in the years that follow.

So, in the event that you find yourself backpacking across Europe and don't have the opportunity to fluently learn German, French, Swedish, Norwegian, Finnish, Czech, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Croatian, Slovak, Polish, Russian, etc, a simple suggestion I've found most effective is to learn at least one phrase, one specific phrase.

If you learn nothing else, this phrase, I believe, will speak volumes, and for multiple reasons.

My personal opinion: One of the most important phrases to learn how to say in a language is "thank you."

Scratch that. One of the most important phrases to learn, bar none, is the phrase "thank you." Trust me, not only will this make interpersonal interaction and communication as you travel run a whole lot smoother, but it also benefits your inner world as well.

First of all, you'll need it when the locals are patient with you, putting up with the fact that you didn't take the time to learn a substantial amount of their language. You'll need it when they take the time to listen while you wear them out speaking too quickly, as if speed helps the comprehension process at all. You'll need it when you ask for directions in broken sign language you just made up, and they kindly take the time to make sure you've understood what they've said. You'll need it when the man that doesn't speak a word of English at the French train station behind the ticket counter puts up with your Post-It communcation technique, requesting the train and times you need to get to the middle of nowhere. (True story.) When traveling, you will never find knowing how to say "Thank you" in the local vernacular to let you down or serve you poorly.

Second, and this is inevitable: we're going to need help. We can't completely traverse this world on our own and independently, and who would want to? There's such a blessing in the community and fellowship with others. You need the people that drive your buses, taxis, limos, and trains, the people that serve you food and stock the grocery story at which you shop. You need the fellow at REI or Barnes and Noble who helps you find that which you seek. You may not always utilize it, but when people offer to help, lend a hand, extend some advice, it's an act of kindness you may come to appreciate more than you realize, and should be received with a grateful heart and kind appreciation expressed.

As for the the inner scope, practicing verbally articulating a phrase that is indicative of a thankful heart will only serve you well. 

We don't say "thank you" enough, these days. In fact, we're only really thankful for something when we think it's good, or it's fun, etc. But as we grow older, as we put more candles upon the cakes we eat to celebrate our birth, as we put more days and years behind us, perhaps wisdom teaches us to recognize that even the seemingly tough days, bad situations, disappointing circumstances can breed positive results, valuable lessons, strengthening of character.

Perhaps to live thankfully has little to do with things always being good, fun, or beautiful.

Perhaps, if we seek to be grateful for what we have, for what we get, for when our needs instead of our wants are met, well then we might just find something fantastic happening within our hearts.

When my dad was a freshman in college, the upperclassmen went about their usual business of employing the underclassmen to do their bidding, confident this method of harassment mixed with service was a brilliant means of ensuring their authority for the upcoming year. While most underclassmen groaned or complained at the command to carry an upperclassman's instrument, my father, a beautiful mix of inner peace and sarcasm, when confronted with an upperclassman's command, would energetically respond, "Oh, thank you sir! May I carry something else for you as well?"

Every time an upperclassman would arrive to order him around, my dad would respond this way, adamant about refusing to let the circumstances change the state of his heart, define the course of his mood or day, or let him be smaller in their eyes. To him it did not matter; the act of service put him at no loss, and in fact, it soon took all of the fun out of the attempted hazing the upperclassman sought to commit, and they soon began to treat my father with a respect reserved for equals.

Even the toughest of situations can breed strength, a great story to tell, and exciting adventures, if you simply go with the flow of things and, as the ocean does, let things just come on through. Gratefully accept what life, the Lord, the day, the situation has just given. Perhaps if we can learn to press in and take from a situation all it has to teach us, perhaps an attitude of gratitude can guide us to new levels of peace, understanding, and depth of character.

So, for this blog installment, I've brought you, the reader, a gift. In 21 different languages, I give you 21 different ways to say "Thank you."

Spanish: "Gracias"
French: "Merci"
Italian: "Grazie"
English: "Thank you"
Croatian: "Hvala"
Czech: "Děkuji za pozornost"
Danish: "Tak dig"
Dutch: "Dank u"
Finnish: "Kiitos"
Flemish: "Dank u"
German: "Danke"
Greek: "Σας ευχαριστώ"
Hause: "Na gode"
Hungarian: "Köszönöm!"
Norwegian: "Takk deg"
Polish: "Dziękujemy"
Portugese: "Obrigado" (European) or "Obrigado" (Brazillian)
Romanian: "Va multumesc"
Serbian: "Hvala vam"
Swedish: "Vi tackas"
Turkish: "Teşekkür Ederiz"

I may not always be able to speak the language you speak...

...but by helping me when I'm lost, bringing me my food, offering advice when you think I need, listening to me when I vent, just being there standing beside me, or by simply existing, you have done something good in this world, and I'll want to know how to thank you, how to show my appreciation. I'll want to know how to thank you in a way that you really hear it.

It is my belief that gratitude and a thankful heart can heal us of our selfishness, our discontent, and our tendency to mistake an adventure for an inconvenience.

So come, let us live gratefully.

"A person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated."

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -Melody Beattie

From Taize to Perugia to Croatia to Beach Weeks.

Since I last updated, a lot has changed in the world. Life is like that sometimes.

It seems that since I've been gone a lot of chapters back home have ended, making way for new ones to begin, for new plots and story-lines to develop, for new characters to arrive, leave, and for new types of growth to occur. Thanks to Facebook, email, and the occasional Skype phone call I can see my loved ones embarking upon adventures of their own, these adventures coming in the forms of soccer camps to Brazil, new relationships developing, graduations, motorcycle trips across the US, babies on the way and arriving, screenplays being written, trips to China to pick up a precious adopted son, packing up and moving to new states, homes, jobs, and world travels of their own being planned and started. It's amazing how quickly things can change, and how in a mere four months a life can suddenly become almost unrecognizable from what it once was - in a beautiful way.

In the last month a great deal has changed in my life as well. When I last updated, I had recently left Taize, and was in Perugia, Italy, located in the Umbria region. Beautiful, let me tell you, and my time there was not what I expected when I arrived, but certainly turned out to be a greater blessing than I could have imagined. I spent roughly two weeks in Perugia relaxing, being Italian, learning the language, recuperating from 2.5 months of constant movement and travel, and basically: breathing. Perhaps more detail on Perugia later.

I left Perugia and went back to the Rome area to get ready for my flight to Brussels, where I would meet up with the people and organization with whom I would be serving in student ministry for two weeks at camps. (More on these camps later for certain). However, due to some last minute necessary changes, I ended up postponing my flight to Brussels by a week, and instead took a trip to Croatia and through Slovenia for a long weekend. It was glorious, it was necessary, it was productive, and it was filled with unexpected blessings, new opportunities, and new paths one could potentially pursue. While in Croatia one of the priorities was to make sure a "Happy Birthday" was issued to the one and only Z-bud, who turned 12 last month. One of the biggest downsides to traveling is missing your brothers' birthdays, or rather celebrating them overseas and far away from them. ;)

Back from Croatia the next week, life had flip-turned upside down, as the Fresh Prince would say. That following Wednesday I flew from Rome to Brussels via another RyanAir flight with a lot on my mind, but anxious to serve in the upcoming student ministry trips. In Brussels I stayed for only two days before heading out on a charter bus for an 18 hour drive down to Italy with high school students for a week of what they call "Beach Week" - a camp for military kids, to camp, experience the beautiful Italian scenery, live it up for the week on the Mediterranean, cliff dive, hike, visit Cinque Terre, Pisa, Lucca, Elba, and generally bask in God's beautiful creation. The organizations affiliated with this trip are MCYM, Club Beyond (like Young Life but in Europe), among others. So the first week was high school, the second week was middle school, and we were simply camping and hanging out with the students, making them laugh, having countless opportunities to serve them, while traveling with them, singing with them, dancing with them, exploring with them, and making time for conversation with them about whatever may be on their beautiful hearts. Those two weeks were filled with tremendous blessing, and I have now met so many new kids whose hearts are precious, whose lives are priceless, whose stories are unfinished and full of promise, and whose capacity and potential are endless. It is my prayer that they realize how truly beautiful and worthwhile they are, how much their own two hands are capable of, and that to believe in impossible things is not only something inspiring, but it is a perspective this world needs, for I believe it is not that reality is locked in, but that we have become people that have forgotten how to imagine, and therefore create, inspire, and dream.

Between the high school and middle school Beach Week trips, another volunteer leader Molly and I had the opportunity to explore Italy a bit as tourists for the weekend, so I brought Molly down to Rome to explore and feed her love for architecture and travel. We spent Saturday touring Rome, then Sunday laying around at the beach in Latina, Italy, relaxing and recuperating from high school Beach Week 1, getting ready for Beach Week 2 with the middle school students, which was just as incredible as the first week had been. Two weeks of exhausting but worthwhile ministry, and I think I'm still catching up sleep.

So where am I now? Well, I decided to stay in Italy after the Beach Week trips, and there are some more ideas for travel in mind. But there are one or two things here the Lord and I have decided to pursue, so pursue them we shall. At this point I'm unclear on when exactly I'll be stateside once again - given the flurry of changes the last month has brought, I could be back as late as early November - we'll just have to see how it all pans out. But in the meantime, life is still happening, change is still occurring, and having past the planned out parts of my existence this year, I now venture into uncharted territory, unsure of what tomorrow brings but thrilled to be making the journey and continuing to explore all this life has to offer, continuing to learn what it means to love and to serve, and continuing to have adventures as I meet people, hear stories, learn how to listen, pursue the Lord, learn more about myself, find purpose and calling, and discover what it means to live rather than simply survive. More on that later...

I love you all, and my prayers are with you. Hope to see you sometime this year. But for the moment, I live in Italy. How did life get to be so blessed? ;)

"I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind"
-Billy Joel, "River of Dreams"


"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."