No matter what.

"I will always forgive you.

I will always be here for you.

I will always help as you will let me.

There's nothing you can do that will scare me off, or cause me to cease being in your life supporting you.

As long as you want me there in your life, there I will be, helping you achieve what's best for you.

Don't worry about your inadequacies, for you are only human, and a beautiful work in progress. We are all works in progress.

I hope in our relationship and interaction you will always know you are safe, to be you, in your highs and lows, in your triumphs, your fears, your failures.

I hope you know that you will always be accepted just as you are.

I do not love some future version of you, but you today, just as you are.

No matter how distant you are, whether you decide you hate me, no matter how cold you may be, I will always care about you.

I will always believe in you.

I will always stand up for you and stand by you.

Regardless of your actions, you will always deserve to be loved, and I hope you always remember that you are."

-Agape

Packing for your Journey.

Journey - (n) 1. a traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time; trip: 2. a distance, course, or area traveled or suitable for traveling; 3. a period of travel; 4. passage or progress from one stage to another; (v) 5. to make a journey; to travel

When planning for a journey, packing the essential items is of the utmost importance. You can only carry so much, and for the circumstances and situations you may encounter, you're not going to want to be left in a pinch without the necessary tools to get you through. So whatever your journey, whether personal or physical, whether you're backpacking across Europe, playing soccer in Brazil, volunteering in India, going on walkabout across Australia, taking a road trip around the Rocky Mountains, hiking the Scottish Highlands, teaching English in a foreign country, or something else entirely, the following is a list of the indispensable items to pack. But first, it's important to note the items better left out of the proverbial suitcase (or backpack), for if we accidentally fill our luggage with non-essentials, we won't have any room for the crucial items.

First, leave at home (or discard completely) any and all prejudices, and closed-mindedness in general, for the world is a vast place filled with people living and living well, and while perhaps different than the way you are accustomed to defining how to live, this does not mean their way of life is invalid, or ineffective.

Leave behind the idea that you have nothing left to learn. You will always be wrong if you actually believe this.

Leave behind the idea that communication is simply the statement of words that have been given associations, the black-and-white idea that 'this word always means this one thing'. For you will find that effective communication is much more complex. It takes time, understanding, listening, redefining words according to how the person who is speaking them means them, etc. Instead, aim to convey concepts and ideas successfully, the images and thoughts beyond the words, rather than simply the words themselves.

Leave behind pride and arrogance, for they are never helpful other than to assist in your isolation from others.

Leave behind vanity, a weight you'll soon regret bearing as you tramp from place to place, recognizing that there are more worthwhile things with which to concern oneself.

Leave behind cynicism, for the world is not so bleak as you think. And yet, while in some ways it will be bleaker than you imagined, no change will occur if your attitude already forces you to sit in darkness.

Leave behind a need to live a completely predictable life, or any firm grip upon schedules. Other people and cultures will operate within different rhythms than you're used to, and even if you get exactly what you asked for in an experience, a journey guarantees it won't be exactly as you expected.

Finally, leave room in your life for change, for growth, and to bring back home with you new perspectives, new vision, perhaps even some new aspects of who you are.

Now that we've cleared out unnecessary items, in my humble experience, these following things are absolutely essential when embarking upon a journey of any kind.

Bring with you open-mindedness. Be open to the potential for change and growth to occur, for your horizons to be broadened, to giving someone else the space to exist, recognizing that you are both alive, in your different ways, and it is good that you are both alive and bring something new to the table. Wisdom is found all over, and every moment has something worthwhile to teach, if you are listening.

Bring with you an interest in other people, in the strange, in the 'other', for you never know when you might have encountered a future friend. Be prepared for their arrival in your existence with questions to help you get to know them, good travel games, icebreakers, and an ability to listen, both to what people do say, and what they don't say.

Bring with you a spirit of adventure. Be open to seeing those inconveniences you're certain to encounter as yet another opportunity for an adventure.

Bring with you a sturdy pair of walking shoes. The best way to see a place, a country, etc, is by walking, and oh the blisters you will acquire. But think of the places your feet will have taken you, the growth you will incur, represented by the tough skin developing upon the soles of your feet, evidence that you can persevere, develop strength, and survive.

Bring with you a journal, something to write upon. You'll want to remember the details, great and small, of such a journey. They'll be priceless to reflect upon in the years to come.

Bring with you faith:
In people,
In a higher power and the realization that your needs will be provided for,
In a sense of order in this world,
In the potential for growth, change, beauty, majesty, honor, nobility - life will always surprise you.
You'll need to trust people, and I guarantee you won't be able to go your entire trip without relying on someone. Generally, people are willing to help, trying to do their best, and they're absolutely the best source from which to learn new things.

Bring with you a keen perceptive sense. Notice everything. For safety. For comparison. For interest. For knowledge. For wisdom.

Finally, bring with you a search for truth. Don't stop searching just because you think you've found part of it. "And therefore as a stranger give it welcome. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." -Hamlet

To Live in Italy.

What it's like to live in Italy:

First things first, the schedule. Italians wake up later, eat dinner later (8:00 pm / 20:00 is early for most restaurants), and 'riposo' is a highly enforced time in the smaller Italian cities. Riposo is like siesta time in Spain, only it's the Italian version. Every day, from 13:00 to 16:00/16:30, most shops close, restaurants take a break, and most Italians take an afternoon nap. All over the smaller towns the volume diminishes, and neighbors have been known to come by and request you shut off your music or dim the volume, as they are literally attempting to nap, in the middle of the day, ever day. It's brilliant. I once joined an Italian for their lunch break. They left work at 13:00, picked me up, and we went to their parents' house to enjoy a homemade Italian meal. Then, we watched a movie, and at about 16:00, they turned to me and said it was probably time for them to go back to work. I love it.

As for the meals, breakfast is similar to that of the French. It's some form of croissant, with Nutella (delicious chocolate liquid substance), cream, or plain, and coffee, an espresso, etc. You will not likely find eggs and bacon as you may know breakfast to include in the States. Lunch in Italy is light, and often skipped altogether. Lunch is also often skipped by many Italians, but if taken, it's later in the day, typically after noon, usually around 13:00 or later. Depending on the job, it's not a hard-and-fast lunch hour break either, but as I learned from my friend, lunch time is flexible, savored, and sometimes even slightly prolonged.

When the Italians communicate, they're louder than we might imagine. What sounds like a verbal fight to an American is simply casual conversation to an Italian. It's not uncommon to find a man walk into a store to order something, and engage in what looks like a verbal altercation with the employee, only to find them depart from the interaction pleasantly. The onlooking foreigner is often left confused if unaware of the social norms of public conversation. But when they are actually fighting, the Italians aren't afraid to show their emotions of hostility in public, out in the open. I was once at a train station and had front row seats to a woman and her husband engaging in what would be considered a heated domestic dispute in the States.

Also, Italians talk with their hands. If ever you need to interrupt an Italian, you need to physically grab their arms and hold them down to their sides.

What about shopping? Markets are rampant in Italy, and they're typically the best places to find 1) the freshest food, 2) the cheapest deals, and 3) the best and most authentic clothing.

When trying on clothes at an Italian market, clothes are hanging everywhere from a small stand, and you're less likely to be able to look at one item and ask if they have it in another size. If you're lucky, they will. But it's not guaranteed as in the big department stores, etc. When you find what you like and want to try it on, you'll be guided to a van with a sliding door, that's been gutted for this sole purpose, and to hold all the merchandise at the end of the day. They bring you a mirror and let you change, hoping that any approaching the van will at least knock before entering. You're also able to barter in the Italian market system.

Depending on the city, markets are open all around the area, on various days of the week. Some are larger, some are smaller, all are filled with vendors selling a variety of clothing, shoes, household objects (including the occasional giant wooden spoon), food, even pets, etc. These markets are different from the ones you'll find at tourist traps; the types of vendors in touristy areas display and sell things like Pinocchio dolls, vulgar cooking aprons, and mups that lean with a picture of the Tower of Pisa on the front, that also lights up.

With no Walmart equivalent in the country of Italy, medicine, etc is found at the Pharmacia, while stamps, phone cards, cigarettes, etc are found at the local Tobacci store. A separate grocery shop/market (indoors) holds the food, perishable and nonperishable, and typically all stores close down at the late hour of 20:00, 21:00 if they're a bit rebellious.

The food in Italy is, as you've probably heard, incredible. My favorite? Proscuitto crudo. It will set you free. 'Prosciutto' is the Italian word for ham, and the 'crudo' style is a dry-cured ham, sliced thinly and served uncooked. It is to be distinguished from 'prosciutto cotto', which is cooked, and, in my opinion, less delicious. :)

Fruit and veggies are freshest at the local markets, and open six days a week, Italian hours. Often the 'grocery stores' have less fresh food, and they'll often require you to bag each item individually. (Italy is less environmental than some countries and cultures, which I will get to later.)

You won't find frozen ice for purchase in Italy, and they have less quantities of bottled water than you'll find in the States. 

Environmentally, Italy is less concerned with the issue of Italy than Texas is, home of the "Don't Mess with Texas" motto, a program against littering statewide. I've seen Italians throw entire meals out their car window, and walking along the streets you'll find anything from cigarette butts to whole pieces of food discarded. Not all of Italy/Italians feel this way, however. Italy has free water fountains all over the cities, with delicious drinking water available, and flowing nonstop.

As far as the beaches go, nudity in the Mediterranean is more common that we're accustomed to in the States. It's not uncommon for girls at toddler age to run around in only half a bathing suit, and the adult male is more often than not found donning the infamous speedo.

In terms of their homes, Italy is not a country that believes highly in the use of indoor air-conditioning. Instead, most houses have large awnings they can extend when the sun is beating down, and windows also come equipped with large shutters that can easily be opened, closed, slightly cracked, or completely sealed, shutting off all light and a great deal of heat from the outside. Homes will often have individual AC units, only broken out in dire situations, or for sleeping at night.

While most homes do have a washer for laundry, the load size is significantly smaller than the American standard, and it is rare to find a house equipped with a dryer for the clothes as well. For dishes and clothing, most Europeans don't dry either by machine, but instead allow nature and time to take its course. Each house is equipped with lines outside some window or balcony to hang clothes amidst the daylight warmth and air, and every European I've ever met owns a clothes-drying stand easily purchased at IKEA, for drying clothes inside when the weather is cold or the night falls.

In August, Italians, and all creatures of the Mediterranean, head on 'holiday' ('vacation' in the States, 'holiday' in Europe), anxious to escape the heat. The country typically has a month of holiday, as is the case in a great portion of Europe. In some places holiday has dwindled to a mere two weeks, but overall, Europe is more general with their vacation time as a culture than the United States. A friend in France has a standard annual holiday allotment of five weeks (she's worked at the company for 3 months), a number that will only increase with her tenure at the company.

Dogs in Italy are fiercely loyal to their masters, and all over Europe they're allowed almost anywhere, it seems. I've seen dogs in the streets, in the shops, of course on the beaches, on the trains, on the metro, even in the Apple store. Often they'll be walking alongside their owner sans leash, and never seem to stray very far, regardless of being completely unhindered from doing so.

The Italian personality is fascinating. Italians are passionate and have a zest for life, but when it comes to logistics, they're frequently unreliable, and proud to be so. Italian planes and trains always run on their own timetable, indifferent to whether you are in the know or not. It is not unusual for an Italian train to be 45 minutes behind schedule, or for an Italian plane company to shut down a flight and simply not reschedule it. Often Italian trains will switch platforms, despite what the board says. So if you aren't paying attention, you just might be standing at the wrong platform as your train leaves from a nearby platform.



And this only scratches the surface. Italy is a fascinating place, filled with a zest for life, passionate personalities, and culture that is intellectual, diverse, and thriving.

Italy: Add it to your bucket list. ;)

Be brave. Breathe.

Life is not always easy.

No matter how old or young we are, weathered or sheltered, broken or whole, trudging or flying, wise or naive, brave or fearful, rich or poor, foreign or local, conservative or liberal, black, white, or anything in between, you, the reader, already know that this is true.

Sometimes life is really hard.

Sometimes we've been hurt by someone, whether the situation at hand is a breakup, divorce, someone lied/deceived us, a form of abuse, cruelty, neglect, persecution, judgment, or a misunderstanding gone awry.

Sometimes struggles happen that are out of anyone's control. Perhaps someone dies, and we get left behind; perhaps someone gets sick, a natural disaster occurs, there's an accident, the opportunity goes to someone else, plans and timing don't go the way we wish they would, etc. Perhaps the time is defined as boredom, angst, despair, alienation, or we simply have to wait.

Perhaps the struggle lasts a few days. Perhaps it carries on into months and even years. The nature of the struggle is that it often defines itself as it transpires.

When the struggles come, I've found we often wish we could sleep through them, fast-forward to the good parts, time travel to when the waiting was worthwhile and paid off - because it is the waiting through the struggle that seems so hard. It is living in the day to day that seems to prove time can slow down and drag by, as we wait for the promise tomorrow brings, or we hope it brings.

In a way it would be nice to sleep through the days/months/years of struggle, simply to wake up when the hard part is over. In the fairy tales, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty slept through the tough parts of the story. Of course we all cringed when we watched them eat the poison apple or touch the cursed spindle, but when facing a pain in this life that you must simply "endure" or "wait it out," I'll be the first to admit that sleeping through it seems like a choice I'd be happy to give a try. Hand me that poison apple or cursed spindle and let me wake up when this thing is all over. After all, I do like a good, long nap. When you awaken, the world will be as it should, the waiting will be over, and that handsome prince, (Mattel, the creators of the modern fairy tale 'Barbie,' would call him 'Ken'), will wake me up and tell me that while I've been sleeping he defeated the proverbial dragon.

I've always liked philosophy. My favorite is Existentialism. The existentialists are brilliant and strong; they discuss the nature of living and the nature of existence, and what it means to exist. These guys don't just pass the time, they really live, and they challenge us to do the same. They challenge us to really exist, and to make our breaths count. They pursue what it means to live a meaningful and fulfilled existence.

They emerged and wrote during periods in history when struggle was happening on national and global fronts, when the question of what made a meaningful life had to be answered. The days they were facing were far from easy, but rather filled with trial, pain, misery, loss, and many, many questions.

In times when so many were letting the despair of the times cause them to crumble, the existentialists were fighting an internal battle, defining for each moment a meaningfulness to life, in their own way. They were seeking how to live passionately and sincerely, in the midst of obstacles, distractions, and tribulations that could lead the individual to simply sit through today, only living for the coming of tomorrow.

I think I love them so much because I admire their bravery. They fight for purpose and don't shrink back when life deals them a tough hand.

It's a brave thing, to breathe.

It is a brave thing, to live, facing the struggle, the conflict, the pain, the trial, and to face it head on.

It is a brave thing, to breathe, despite all the circumstances that could potentially convince you it's not worth it.

Perhaps it would be easier to sleep, to let go, to give up, to run away, to stop caring, to fall away.

But...

to stay awake,

to press in,

to hold on,

to wait patiently,

to keep fighting, 

to continue loving,

to stick around,

to continue caring,

to remain passionate,

to pursue meaning in the struggle,

to continue living,

to keep walking,

...despite all the terrible things that lie ahead on the path - that is profound bravery.

But why should we carry on? 

Why not? 

Who are you to say tomorrow can't be beautiful? 

Your hands are quite capable of change, and there are plenty of people in this world that need to be helped, inspired, encouraged, fed, comforted, kept company, appreciated, valued, clothed, visited, nurtured, and loved.

It is often in our struggles that we learn better how to care for others, that we often learn traits such as empathy and compassion for one another, on levels deeper and greater than before we knew what it meant to struggle and suffer.

Besides, when the days seem long and unbearable...

Keep in mind that today is only 24 hours long, and tomorrow hold tremendous promise.

Keep in mind that these storms never last forever.  Harriet Beecher Stowe once said, "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." 

Keep in mind that dawn in coming, and surely fast approaches. 

Robert Frost reminds us, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

Keep in mind that even the most trying of times are made a little more bearable when there's someone around to hold your hand, and weather the storm with you. 

And if all that isn't good enough for you, keep this is mind: 

You, I, all of us, have been through struggle. 

We've been through some sort of pain, suffering, misery, confusion, doubt, disbelief, etc - and we're now here, reading this, writing this, enduring this - surviving. 

Keep in mind that while breathing takes profound bravery in times such as these, it is so worthwhile.

I take strength from the existentialists, because regardless of what they define as meaningful, they all rise above struggle, live in the midst of it, and pursue meaning in spite of whatever pain they may be enduring.

But that's the beauty of the existentialists. They may define meaning in different ways, but they all, in the beauty of the movement, ask the questions and press into life. It matters not so much about the specific answers they each came to find. But the beauty is that their struggle is our struggle, and we are each called to determine what it is that makes our days worth living, as Kierkegaard said, "...to find the idea for which I can live and die."

When I say survive, I mean your heart can carry on. I mean the loss/grief/confusion/struggle you may be dealing with doesn't have to break you. Doesn't have to mean that you'll be in pain and struggle forever. 

Often in literature and movies, rain is an archetype for change. 

It may be raining in your life, and life may be changing. 

But it's certainly not ending. 

Today, you're still alive, still breathing, and you can do something with those breaths. 

I don't know what it is, that's for you to figure out. 

I have my own meaning to find, my own trials and battles to fight, to breathe through, to win. 

But the point is: your existence is not without purpose, and the fact that you're still breathing in the midst of and beyond the trial, beyond the loss, during the pain means you still very much have something to give. 

You still have 

something to offer, 

something to create, 

people to inspire, 

books to read, 

movies to watch, 

things to learn, 

miles/kilometers to travel,

adventures to have, 

countries to visit, 

people to meet, 

hands to shake and hold, 

lives to change and make better, 

smiles to cause, 

laughter to share, 

joy to be had and found, 

things to be discovered...

You still have a life to be lived. 

So be brave, fellow human. Breathe, and continue living.   

For this life, this trial, this struggle is only meaningless if you say it is. 

"Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers they may cause you tears

Go ahead, release your fears

Stand up and be counted

Don't be ashamed to cry."

-Des'ree 

 "For I consider that our present sufferings 
are not worth comparing 
with the glory that will be revealed in us."
-Romans 8:18

  

"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? 

It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering." 

- Henri-Frederic Amiel 

"Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope." 
- Tom Head